http://www.spokesman-recorder.com/news/article/article.asp?NewsID=90758&sID=13&ItemSource=L
Get married! Matrimony the key to ending cycle of Black poverty
by Don Samuels
Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder
Originally posted 8/27/2008
You rarely see a wedding on a Saturday morning on the North Side. This was not always the case. In the mid 1960s, only 25 percent of all U.S. Black children were born to single moms. Today, in Minneapolis, that number is 86.6 percent. On the other hand, only 30 percent of White children are born to single parents. This disparity is directly related to the entrenchment of poverty in our community.
The children of single parents are at a decided disadvantage, more so if that family is Black. Fifty percent of Black children born in poverty will remain poor, compared to only 39 percent of whites. On the other hand, children of married parents are more likely to graduate and less likely to go to jail, do drugs, or otherwise fail at life.
Children are happiest when raised by two committed parents. As the sole parent of a now 32-year-old son and a co parent of girls ages nine and seven, I have experienced both alternatives firsthand. Today my son is a fully functional adult, but there is no doubt that my job as parent and his as son were made more challenging because I was single.
Both parents should maintain contact and care for their child even when they are separated. This is the right thing to do for a healthy and happy community. Young people should begin to think about meeting someone, falling in love, getting married, and having children — in that order.
Young women should insist that young men make the ultimate commitment to a relationship, marriage, before they produce the ultimate outcome of a relationship, a child.
In addition, young men must be courageous. They must battle their fears of permanency for the sake of the children produced by the millions of tiny, indiscriminate sperm cells they produce and share.
Marriage means you can’t just leave easily. As men we commit to a car, a career, a football team, and even a blood family; yet they all give us headaches and are often out of our control. We must learn to do the same for our women and children.
Too often, absentee fathers drift out of relationships with their children and become simply sperm donors. Children blame themselves for the abandonment of their parents. They think there is something fundamentally wrong with them that makes them unlovable and disposable. Many spend their adulthood battling the emotional repercussions.
Ultimately, children of single parents have less confidence as partners, as spouses and as co-parents. They lack examples of domestic partnership, negotiation, compromise and cooperation. They have to learn everything secondhand and experience frequent confusion in relationships.
Life as a single mother is most often lonely. There is no abiding presence with whom to share the ongoing defeats and triumphs of parenting. There is often nobody to give the parent a psychic break from decision-making and stress.
A marriage proposal is the most affirming and progressive gift a positive man can give to the woman he loves. When a man is permanently in a home, everyone feels secure.
Black women want to get married and have children. Well over 40 percent of Black women have never been married; that’s twice as many as White women. There are a million eligible Black women who are not married.
The loss of this normal expectation adds yet another misery factor to the lives of the women who have already shouldered the greatest sexual inequities in our country’s history.
Black men should begin to work hard in school and in the workplace. Those with setbacks must strive to rehabilitate ourselves, preparing to be worthy husbands and fathers.
Chris Rock says Black men have been exercising their options to date and marry across races for years. He suggests it’s time Black women do the same. Openness to interracial marriage might be one key solution to the drought of eligible Black men. It is time to end the routine deficiency of single parenting.
Don Samuels is the Minneapolis Fifth Ward city council member. He welcomes reader responses to Don.Samuels@ci.minneapolis.mn.us.
More African American Women Connecting Online For Business Building
The growth of one online community for Black women professionals supports research that women are the fastest growing entrepreneurs.
Columbus, OH (PRWEB) August 26, 2008 -- Research studies continue to indicate that Black women are one of the fastest growing groups of entrepreneurs and business owners. Not only that, they are also more likely to survive their first 5 years in business than many other groups.
Such tenacity is reflected in the continuous growth of the recently launched BlackWomenConnect.com -- the largest social network for professional African American women. Free to join, this unique online community has thousands of active members that use the site as a central point for business networking, career building, and professional unity.
The functionality of BlackWomenConnect.com is similar to that of LinkedIn, FaceBook, Plaxo, and others. Users can meet and interact with each other, post news and blogs, upload videos, promote their upcoming events, and even participate in forums.
"This is the only site that allows women entrepreneurs to interact with each other as if they were in the same room. Women are on there as we speak, closing deals and making transactions," says Dante Lee, co-founder of the site. "There is no other space online like this for this group."
The site, along with many others, is produced by Lee Moss Media, a joint venture between Dante Lee of Diversity City Media and William Moss of HBCU Connect. The two are on a mission to build the largest network of premium African American web sites.
For more details and/or to join the site for free, visit:http://www.BlackWomenConnect.com
By M.R. KROPKO – 4 hours ago
She switched her backing to Sen. Barack Obama in June, but said he could not win unless Clinton's supporters rallied behind him. She also said Obama should consider Clinton as a running mate.
"It wasn't enough for her just to break barriers in her own life. She was also determined to bring opportunity to all those who had been overlooked and left behind — and in Stephanie, they had a fearless friend and unyielding advocate," Obama said in a statement.
"I wanted somebody whom I felt could carry on what I tried to do for 30 years in that congressional district," Stokes said. "She did it. She took it to a higher level, a new level. She made me so proud."
I feel like I am in an eye of a hurricane. Lately I've been browsing news stories about black women and girls to post to this blog. It seems like everything I come across is negative: black women have these ailments, this marriage rate, this rate of higher education, etc. I've been hesitant to post about any of it, because I know we've 'heard it all before'. That's not to say that these statistics aren't newsworthy; they are. But today I choose not to perpetuate their discussion.
We as black women in America have so many positive aspects at work in our favor - regardless of what the media tells us. The title of this post is 'Black Women Are Beautiful', and we are. I know I repeat that sentiment alot, but I really and truly believe that. At the core of this statement is a belief in the value, worthiness and substance of our beings. I don't feel that most of us know our worth, celebrate who we are or do enough to uplift our fellow sisters. Quite frankly, sometimes that's hard to do. Between your 9-5, family commitments, just trying to make ends meet, it can be difficult to squeeze together moments of bliss. But if we can just grab one moment for ourselves, on a daily basis, I think that we will improve our inner beings as well as those we touch. In my personal spiritual life, finding happiness is a priority I continually strive for. I'm not advocating that you follow my path, but I am promoting that we take better care of our minds, bodies, children, and those we love. That we step back a moment from what people want us to be, and we embrace the desires that we want for ourselves.
Like I said, I know that's not always easy.. but it is a worthwhile endeavor nonetheless. And we definitely deserve it, each and every one of us.
July 10, 2008. You knew that some rappers were ignorant ... but this is just too much. MediaTakeOut.com just caught wind that during a recent interview on the radip show Lip Sevice, rapper Young Berg claimed that he's not into dark skinned black women - or dark butts as he calls them.Here's a transcript of his words:
I'm kinda racist ... I don't like dark butts .... You know how some women
prefer light skin men or dark skin men. It's rare that I do dark butts - that's
what I call dark skinned women ... I [don't date women] darker than me.I love the pool test. If you can jump in the pool exactly like you are and
you don't come out looking better than you looked before going in the pool -
then that's not a good look.Any woman that uses brown gel to set down her baby hair is not poppin'
So lemme get this straight, Young Berg: you don't date women who aren't light-skinned with 'good hair'. That's fine if you are a self-admitted racist and have that 'preference'... I prefer not to buy music from artists who are racist and/or demean black women. So this guy will never get any "business", sexually or financially, from me, even if I did pass the 'pool test'. Because even though Young Berg dates light-skinned women, he objectifies them just as he does dark-skinned sistas. It doesn't matter what your intellect, morals or values are, off jump your hair looks messed up when it gets wet so you get the axe.
Why are we still dealing with ridiculousness like this in 2008? Normally I would just ignore statements like this, but I'm tired of us constantly being compared to each other based on skin tone and the properties of our hair.. I'm tired of us being compared to others based on what the media values at any given time. We are all unique, beautiful creatures whose capabilities, charm and fortitude make us some of the most beautiful women in the world. And we should know that with every ounce of our beings. Instead of supporting men that only have our ancestral background in common, and could care less about black women, let's let our collective voices be heard in the manner that matters to them most - in our withdrawal of financial support. Let's show the Young Bergs of the world that colorism and objectification of women aren't "poppin".
I know how hard it is to be a black female in today's society. If you're a woman, you face racism and sexism in order to get ahead in your career; dismal statistics abound regarding your love life and likelihood to marry; images surrounding you suggest that your beauty is not revered; add to that the stress of being an entrepreneur, wife, mother, sister or daughter. Some of you throw social organizations, church and volunteering into the mix. No wonder that a sistah is sometimes tired!
The situation for our girls is just as bleak. They're growing up in an era where music videos and big budget films help them to assign their self-worth. They must aim high in school, in sports, and in life in ways that the information age has made decidedly different than our upbringings. On top of that, they may see the struggles of their mother and big sisters and come to feel that this is also their legacy.
I am like you. I know what it is to carry around these burdens daily. I also feel the sting of sometimes feeling 'not thin enough', not privileged enough or just plain not enough. One thing that we do have, however, is each other.
This is a place for us. Sure, there are other blogs that address the black female experience in America. But what's one more voice on our side? There can never be too many avenues of support for our dreams, our efforts and our future. That's what this blog is all about. Together, let's step outside of the constraints that mainstream society has placed on us, and highlight our own beauty, accomplishments, intellect and vision. After all, if we don't do it, it will never get done.
